I've Seen Sage Work, I've Seen Jesus Work

When I was in high school I got so mad one time I ripped up a Bible. When my mom saw me, that was the final straw I am sure she was convinced I was a demon. And unfortunately I may have had a demon at the time but moreso I had extreme animosity towards Christianity. I saw it as nothing more than a violent tool of the European colonizer. Later in life I would come to have a better understanding of the Bible and Jesus Christ. After many experiences and accounts it cannot be denied that the name of Jesus has power to cast out demons. And while many Christians are against sage, as an Indigenous woman I hold it dear still, because I have also seen the sage reveal and cast out demons. 

I think about religion and spirituality a lot knowing I won't have finite answers until the end. I believe a God created this world, and there is a God and angels who are looking out for me there is no denying that. That said, I do not trust many churches and I do find that many so call Christians don't embody the characteristics of Christ like behavior, in fact the act self-righteous like the ones he spoke against. I don't believe in worshipping multiple Gods but in my tribe we have the White Buffalo Calf woman who is similar to Jesus in the message she brought us. 

Would I call myself a Christian? Sometimes it seems dishonest to do so knowing that I haven't made an official "dedication" of my life to Christ within the church. As I stated I am highly distrustful of modern churches which seem to be driven by desire and lack warmth of heart. But I have daily conversations with God and through these conversations I try to communicate my heart. In these conversations I often feel a sense of relief wash over me--a sense that while I may not have all the answers the God that watches me, understands me, and helps when the circumstances seem absolutely impossible.

Growing up my Mom told us lots of stories and I am s grateful she did, one in particular I believe has saved my life many times. I can only paraphrase because I do not have all of the details but essentially a young woman was walking home one night, there was either a serial killer or a serial rapist in the area, when he got caught for some reason he was asked why he did not attack this young woman he saw walking--he explains well of course he wouldn't have attacked her, she wasn't alone there was a man walking beside her. From then on I knew that miracles can and do happen and as long as I believed in angels, they would walk with me. There have been many times where I put myself in direct danger, times where I could have been seriously harmed but made it with minimal scars. It hasn't all been easy but one thing with me is when it gets hard I don't blame God. This is something I notice amongst others and common first quip from atheists or people who have been deeply hurt by life: how could God let this happen?

For me, I can't fully explain why but this has not been my frame of thinking. By now I have a deep understanding that many phenomenon will not and cannot be explain and that's OK. And I guess as much as I know about God, I know that evil is real. In my mind I see the evil things humans do as the act of humans or demons but I have never used such occurences to discredit God.

Maybe at the end of the day when you close your eyes for the last time whatever you believed in came true. I have spent so much time wondering as a kid what will happen, eventually you get tired of questioning it constantly. We will all find out eventually. But while we are here I do feel an obligation to spread the word of God but like I said sometimes I am at a loss for what to call my belief system. I believe in Jesus but I also believe he could be another prophet from our benevolent God, to try to get the message through to humans to just live right on this planet! Like damn is it so hard? Sometimes I imagine the conversations God has and laugh. Today I wanted to help two people who were in distress, one I gave my ear but I wish I could have offered more, another asked if I could help him while I was coming out of the grocery store. I didn't have any money to give him but in both instances I wish I would have offered prayer. Going forward I will commit to this practice. I suffer sometimes with anxiety and depression like anyone else but God has saved my life many times and I want others to have this comfort. 

God loves you and whatever this matrix we are in, the illusions and wicked magic that help it up are falling. I implore those who have previously cast aside the Bible to give it a second chance as well.

If you have enjoyed reading this or want to discuss religion further its: lindsay@mimasroom.tv

I love you !